American Dream American is telling a German about the “American dream”. He asks if they have a German dream? We did, replied the German, but no one really liked it.

LPT: If you’re not planning to do anything the entire day, Masturbate. Then you won’t want to walk or shower and you can waste your day as originally intended.

Astrophysicists still struggling to explain the Big Bang Theory: “It’s a corny show! We just don’t get it!” said one astrophysicist.

My grandfather told me that our generation depends too much on technology… …so I unplugged his life support.

What did the hen say when she saw the scrambled eggs? My poor, mixed-up kids…

Why did Skrillex lose his job at Long John Silvers? He was always dropping the bass.

My marriage is based on trust. And according to my wife’s lawyers, that trust is based offshore.

aHow many light bulbs does it take to change a man?a -light bulb factory worker going insane

What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but never see any!

Why did the jellyroll? He saw the apple turnover.