What do you call a boat made of cat shit? a caturdamaran

Son: Will you please just try to act normal today? Me: You’re going to have to be more specific.

There are few things in life as pure and true as a grilled cheese sandwich.

Why did Sarah fall out of the tree? Because she had no arms. Knock-knock! “Who’s there?” Not Sarah.

So I saw my mother-in-law getting beaten up by six guys “Aren’t you going to do something?” My wife asked. “Nah, six should be enough.” (Les Dawson)

What did the first cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Does this taste funny to you?

What do we want? An endless supply of milk When do we want it? Cow

What do you call a man with a 1 inch penis? Justin

[obama cures cancer, invents hoverboards, saves baby by killing 3 lions with a flurry of devastating headbutts] Americans: LION KILLER OMG

What do you call a straight Godzilla fan? Hedorahsexual