A PS4 fan and an Xbox One fan started fighting! Someone call the ambulance! *Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U*

My wife just asked me why she came home to find marinara sauce all over our sleeping baby’s head. Sorry babe, I’M NOT A DETECTIVE.

Damn girl are you the sun because you need to stay 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Make the little things count Teach math to midgets

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? He still hasn’t unwrapped his present.

If you piss me off in the grocery store I will get in front of you in the checkout line and pay for a single tomato with a personal check.

Stranger: so what do you do? Me: I’m in seminary S: seminary huh? so you can’t get married? M: nah, I can’t get married bc of my personality

Google Buzz is Facebook’s estranged drug-addicted step sister who eloped with a hideously ugly rich guy named Gmail.

he doesnt always use the internet, but when he does, he shares recipes & inspiratiomal quotes. he is..the most pinteresting man in the world

Sorry, “hella” was an inappropriate word choice. I was trying to be cool. I’ll rephrase: Your son is totally missing.