Historical fact: The term “bro” originated over a hundred million years ago and was short for brontosaurus.

What do you call an attractive girl in Poland A tourist. Or swap in Poland for wherever, spread the love.

[my hot coworker Brenda & I at gates of Hell] BRENDA: we finally closed the gate, what should we seal it with? ME: a kiss? B: don’t do that

I ran out of toilet paper at Hartsfield/ATL. Then I remembered my mom had told me I could use pages from a book in a pinch. I gotta say…it’s really hard to wipe with an e-book.

“Toothpaste? You made that word up!” – Steve Bushemi

What is the fastest way to exit a car on the highway? Through the windshield

I used to be embarrassed by my facial hair, but it grew on me.

Ask me what the secret to comedy is? You: What is the secret… Timing

How do bees get to school ? By school buzz !

Why can’t a prostitute count to 70? Because 69’s a mouthful.