What do you call a dinosaur with explosive diarrhea? A shitty-sore-ass.

Cannibal Boy: I’ve brought a friend home for dinner. Cannibal Mom: Put him in the fridge and we’ll have him tomorrow.

Come to the light side [Original source (in Russian)](http://peggy-s.livejournal.com/318323.html) – Come to the light side, we have marshmallows – I want cookies – Cookies are on the dark side

A Frenchman walls into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder… The bartender says, “Where’d you get that?” The parrot says, “In France. They’re everywhere!”

So I harvested my tomato today, it’s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.

Who wins in a fight: Goku or Superman? Wrong, Batman always wins.   Yes, I do have the sense of humor of a 5 year old.

Why do 2 bit gamblers never win at blackjack ? Because they can only count to 3.

You aren’t going to believe who is the most wonderful person ever… Read the first two words

Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked. So did all the other people at the post office.

What’s a policeman’s favorite gaming console? wii-u wii-u wii-u wii-u heh