What should you do when you are cold? Stand in a corner, corners are 90 degrees

Forget the “bomb dot com” For today’s political climate and lack of punctuation, try “Obama dot comma”

If you encounter a bear you should either play dead or be so vibrant that the bear is like “whatever this person seems exhausting.”

I’m worried that if I give up smoking I’ll replace it with murdering.

I was once involved in a sex ring… until my circle of friends said that things were getting awkward.

When a dirty kid has finished taking a bath what is still dirty? The bathtub.

Tell me somethig dirty… VW Jetta 2.0 TDI

They say 1 out of every 5 humans is Chinese. Out of me and my 4 siblings, I’m pretty sure it’s either Carl or Liu Yang.

What’s in the toilet of the Star Ship enterprise? The captains log

My girlfriend and I always like to laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh with more intensity and greater strength.