Why did God make farts smell? So that deaf people could enjoy them too.

Q: What did the mermaid do last Saturday night? A: She went out with the tide.

How do they separate the men from the boys in Athens? With a crowbar.

Nice try Asian guy in porns.

Why should Donald Trump change his name to Donald Duck? Because he’s a quack.

How can you tell if someone’s a redditor,in real life? Ask them if they’re on reddit. I’m sorry.

How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Change?!

“The police are looking for a man with one eye named Murphy.” “What’s the other eye called?”

My friend asked me if he was gay… I didn’t know how to give him a straight answer.

I am known all over the world for my tendency to exaggerate.