I heard reincarnation… …is making a comeback.

What do you tell someone who is bad at sign language? You have bad hand writing

There’s currently a thin shell of space, hurtling through the solar system at 67,000 mile per hour, in which boners must be blurred. “Japan”

What is the digestive system? The digestive system is a system which starts with one hole and ends with one hole

What is the definition of “moon”? The past tense of “moo”!

Q: What goes VROOM SCREECHVROOM SCREECHVROOM SCREECH? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

What’s grosser than gross? When a midget walks past and says your hair smells nice!

A Janitor starts up his car. “Broom broom”

My therapist asked me to stop wanking. I asked how long i should stop for… He said at least until i left his office

Do these jeans make me look fat? And don’t cover your nose this time! -Pinocchio’s girlfriend