Well this beer isn’t going to throw itself up.

My daughter turns 3 today. Due to our tight budget, we’re not telling her.

My friend tried to annoy me with bird puns But he didn’t know toucan play that game.

Why Don’t feminists make good botanists? They spend the entire time in the greenhouses bitching about the glass ceiling.

What’s the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn’t fart when you take out the sausage.

I may be a bit rusty, but if the world ever needs me to climb into a triangle and shoot asteroids, I’m ready.

Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling very well. Credit to my four year old niece.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? You just call me…

Why did the depressed chicken cross the road? To get to the other side 🙁

Two Texans taking a leak off the GW Bridge on a December night Man, it’s cold. Yeah, deep too!