It’s 2015. I can’t believe we’re still referring to a dress as colored.

I have eaten so much of the white bean and kale soup we made this weekend that the EPA just imposed sanctions on my butt

I told a joke about Muhammad to a Muslim man.. And he blew up in my face!

First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.

Are Ginger Ale made from real gingers? Said Cartman.

Q: What do you call a girl with only one leg? A: Eileen

TIL that Harriet Tubman sought a monthly pension of $25 a month for services in the civil war ,but was only awarded $20. 100+ years later we’re still only giving her a $20.

So my son ate the baby Jesus out of our Nativity scene. Now we wait for the religious movement.

I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, When i woke up, my pillow was gone.

I like my coffee like I like my women. Without some other guy’s dick in it.