Why are there no black people at the North Pole? Because there is nothing to steal there

What does a midwestern farmer and a rapper have in common? They both want to make it rain.

My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight… She needs to lighten up.

What’s the difference between my girlfriend and a cow? Cows are real.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Matt

My phone’s low battery warning is the only warning I take seriously.

Ask yourself what you would do for one more day with the ones you’ve lost and then do those things for the ones you still have.

Chuck Norris has sex with every woman once a month. It causes a week of bleeding

What’s the difference between your PC and your Penis? Usually its small, used often and you dont let just ANYONE touch it.

What’s long, hard, and full of semen? A submarine filled with cum.