So the suicide hotline is only for prevention and not for nominating people who should kill themselves. Sucks. I made a list and everything.

A cowboy walks into a German car dealership and says “Audi, pardner.”

A joke What do you go a place where cows go eat lunch ? A Calvefateria

Why can’t seagulls fly over the bay? Cuz then they’d be baygulls.

Why are condoms like cameras? -they both capture the moment.

What famous chiropodist ruled England ? William the Corn-cutter!

What’s a moo hoo for grazing school? Grass class!

Google Moon is NOT what I thought it would be. *pulls up pants

Neighborhood kids came over for an Easter egg hunt. Apparently hiding the eggs in the clothes I was wearing is somehow against the law?

Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall? A: It depends how hard you throw them.