Teacher- “How much is a gram?” Me- “Depends on what you want” Teacher- “Out, just get out”

Why won’t Americans switch to a dollar coin? They’re afraid of change.

What’s the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until a boy is 13 to come on his face.

Say I’m a man after reading a line I scored a chick I brought her home I got her in my bed Then she said:

What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence? Utter destruction.

What was the Walrus doing in the Tupperware store? Looking for the tight seal

A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.. The bartender looks at him and says, “Wow, that’s pretty cool! Where’d you get it?” The parrot replies, “In Africa, they’re everywhere!”

My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!

What do you get when you mix an octopus with a black guy? Idk but it sure as hell can pick cotton

Death When a family member unexpectedly dies, what’s the proper waiting period before removing their stick figure from the back of the minivan?