You don’t see much in a small town … but what you hear makes up for it. [Source](http://www.dougwils.com/Chrestomathy/no-kidding.html)

No Sopa… Radio?

*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don’t waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food.

What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear? An algae bra.

I was raised by wolves I was then lowered by bears They really should only have one species of animal operating these cranes

So there’s this girl named Mary… 1. Mary meets a guy named Joseph 2. Mary ends up pregnant 3. ??? 4. Prophet

ELI5: Women

I have better things to do with my time than my job.

Why did Sally fall off the Swing?? Because She had no arms…… Knock Knock Who’s There?? Not Sally……..

My girlfriend and I used to like to pretend she was Khaleesi and I was Drogo Until she called me “Crack of her Moon”