elder master! someone took a crap in the village’s water supply! “well, shit!”

Anyone else think Mexican and African jokes are pretty much all the same? Once you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal!

Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands. I love this joke because it never grows old.

What’s a pirates FAVORITE letter? *They ALWAYS say Rrrrr* “You’d think its Rrrrr but it’s the sea they love”

Thanks to Twitter I can tell people I read.

all right class welcome to Intro to Sitting 101. everyone have a seat. *confused whispering among class*

TIFU by buying an MP5K instead of a Mini-Uzi from the Arms Store… Whoops, wrong sub.

[me explainin to the kids why they’re having soup and one cheese singlet for dinner] there’s a place called online & im very important there

BREAKING: Justin Bieber expresses interest in being baptized. Over 4 million people volunteer to hold his head under water.

If a kid refuses to go to sleep during nap time… Is he guilty of resisting a rest?