One dolphin cut another dolphin off at the intersection of Coral Reef and Caribbean Current… The other dolphin said, “Hey, you did that on porpoise!”

What do you get when you divide 69 by 2? A lonely man’s handjob.

Two atoms were crossing the road… …when the first atom screams “Ahhhhh! I lost an electron”. The second atom asks “Are you sure?” to which the first atom replied “Yes, I’m positive.”

I bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces..

I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.

I hate Masseuses They’re always talking behind my back

How many Mexicans does it take to change a Lightbuld? Only Juan…

Parallel lines have so much in common It’s a shame they’ll never meet!

Can you believe my girlfriend’s mother said I’m a pedophile because I’m 40 and she’s 20? Just because she’s a mother doesn’t mean she can judge people twice her age.

Whats the difference between a porcupine and a police car. A porcupine has it’s pricks on the outside.