What’s red, bloody and hangs of the back of a train? Miscarriage.

My wife and I do this cute thing where she sends me pics of kitchen towels she can’t decide on buying and I google my life expectancy.

Did you hear about Oscar Pistorius’ home improvements? He wants a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend’s dead against it

Wordplay is the fundamental form of a joke… After all, doesn’t every joke have a PUNchline?

When starting a new relationship it’s important to remember that someone already screwed them up for you.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

Justin Bieber said to be just devastated to hear the news on the Boston marathon . . . . . .but hopes that everyone involved are fans.

The sharpest part of the body is not the teeth… Your asshole is the sharpest. Your teeth can’t cut shit.

Why are women like parachutes? Because if they don’t spread they are worthless.

I like my girls like my nails Hammered