Have you heard the watermelon joke? You have now! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^I’msosorry

What shoes do roosters wear? Chickenstocks

How to make a girl laugh Step One: ask her out.

What’s the difference between a joke and 3 dicks? Your wife can take 3 dicks!

A friend and I saw a man killed at the canned goods factory… It was a jarring experience.

My son just said “I’m sorry I can’t be cute right now, I’m hungry” and I’ve never understood him better.

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage

What did Saturn tell it’s moons when they started getting too far away? “Titan up!”

If stray cats are free, why is Chinese food so expensive?

Way down on the bottom of the twitter user licensing agreement in tiny font it says “Say goodbye to your family”