When are they going to drug test the audience of “The Price Is Right.”? No one should be that happy.

Woke up this morning with a pillow over my face, hearing someone muttering “…it would be so easy…”

Prostitutes hate trick-or-treaters.

Retweet if you’re naughty! Star if you love Jesus! Reply if you’d like to meet him!

I like my steak like I like my women. White and domineering.

If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke, I would have a small loan of one million dollars

Make sure you don’t forget the ‘R’ when you’re Googling, “movies of Gary Oldman.”

There are plenty of fish in the sea. Sometimes you just need a really big fishing rod.

I bought a muzzle for my pet duck. Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.

A blind guy walks into a bar… …then a table, then a chair, then another chair…