A policeman sees two boys, one with batteries, the other with fireworks He charges the first boy and lets the other off.

Everyone in my class is arguing about science, And I’m just sitting here, maths debating.

Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early? Me: Because we have had enough of you for today

Guest: Why did you offer me a piece of candy? Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.

I love how fresh & clean my bathroom smells after I’ve killed a spider with a full bottle of windex

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.

Tom got a backache from working as a seer. He’s got the hunch.

If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.

Italians and Spaniards are so used to Catholic child abuse… … That they call the Pope daddy

Which nut could pimp the Prince of Darkness? Mack-a-Dameon.