I just saw the Assassins Creed Movie Trailer… I did not expect The Spanish Inquisition.

What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !

Well it’s like my dad always told me “When life gives ya lemons” Chances are you’re in the fruit aisle.

September is Alzheimer’s Awareness month… remind me tomorrow.

What do you call a small, noisy dog? A subwoofer.

Stealing mosquito repellent… Jacking Off!

My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.

Having the option to erase and re-record after having to leave a voicemail is one of my favorite things about life.

If four out of five people suffer from radiation poisoning… Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

An infectious disease enters a bar… the bartender says,”we dont serve your kind here”. The disease replies, “well you’re not a very good host!”