What the quickest way to a mans heart? Though his chest with a knife

THE HORROR! *splat THE TRAGEDY! *splat IT’S AWFUL! *splat SO MUCH BLOOD! *splat WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! *splat -It’s raining men.

Why was pregnant Cinderella late to the ball? Miscarriage

What do you call a Chinese conga line? A Chu Chu train

I don’t like drive-thru’s I think it’s money out the window.

“You know what.” — They.

Yes, life is meaningless, but some of the food is decent.

The Grapes of Wrath 2: The Raisins of Revenge

NSFW Men are like a deck of cards… You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his fucking face in and a spade to bury the bastard!

Someone should invent a version of Twitter for people who spell things like rappers. They could call it “twita”. Dat would b nize