How do you figure out which contestant in a Ms. America pageant is a prostitute? Look for the one with the sash that says “I da ho”.

How do you tell the circumference of a pecan Pecan pi

Every woman I’ve ever been with only saw me the way they wanted to see me… …in their rearview mirror.

Why aren’t Tyler Perry movies for the light-hearted? They’re dark comedies.

sometimes i visit websites that have videos of people making love

If you’re not one of the first five boys in the yard, you almost never get a milkshake.

So a blind man walks into a bar He hurts himself pretty badly.

What did nazi pilots eat for breakfast? Luftwaffles

Why did the semen cross the road? Because I put on the wrong pair of socks this morning.

Coffee so good it helps a little old lady cross the street.