What is the best part about having sex with 23 year olds? There’s 20 of them. (Works better in person)

A duck walks up to a prostitute…. And says, “put it on my bill”

Some people say Glenn Frey got pneumonia from the cold… But that can’t be true because he said the Heat is On.

Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster? So we can think about a solution in silence

Glue is weird it’s all like hey I want to stick these pieces of paper together wait I have an idea hand me that dead horse

A kiss will make her day But anal will make her hole weak

You’re so fat and unfunny… that the only punchlines you have are stained on your shirt.

so as I went in to vote this morning, an old lady told me to make sure I voted for the candidate that could make change. Boy, is my bank teller going to be surprised!

[sees a zebra for the first time] What’s up with that horse? [sees a giraffe for the first time] Okay, what the hell is going on today?