My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time.

Anyone want to hear my Human Centipede joke? Nah, I won’t tell you it. It sucks ass.

Descartes walks into the bar. The bartender asks him, “will you have your usual tonight?” Rene replies “I think not” and he disappears.

You could be a “Before” model.

It would be great to be born on Earth and die on Mars. Preferably not on the point of impact.

In China the labels read, “Made by someone you know.”

Everytime you pull the trigger a bullet loses its job…HAHAHAHA! Because it gets FIRED. HAHAHA! *I’m in tears*

Two skeptics walk into a bar.. I’d tell you what happens next but noone knows

I’d give these pigeons some bread but they’d probably just spend it on drugs.

There are two types of people in this world. And I hate them both.