What’s Al-Qaeda’s favorite American football team? The New York jets.

Before I destroy a wasp’s nest I like to capture a single wasp and tell it my entire diabolical plan.

Ted Cruz getting elected.

Ibuprofen is my favorite headache medicine that also sounds like a reggae professor.

Which gospel contains Jesus’ parable about the shades of numbers? Math hue.

Every night, I take all of the singles out of my wallet, spread them on the bed, and pretend I was pretty that day.

A guy pick up a woman Then he puts her down

Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar The bartender tells him, “We don’t serve superconductors here.” He leaves without resistance.

I am looking forward to 6pm Thanksgiving Day when Walmart opens its doors for its annual sale of trampled human corpses.

How do you fit 4 gays on one barstool? Flip it over!