Men are creepy, super creepy, but also a lady just stood on the same escalator step as me and lit a lighter and just held it the whole ride.

Whenever there is injustice in the world, Americans will rise up and retweet a hashtag.

Why aren’t there any black people in the Air Force? They’re still afraid of hangars.

What’s the difference between Broccoli and boogers? Kids don’t eat broccoli.

What’s easier to get, aids or lung cancer? Depends what you smoke. (Not native speaker, sorry if it doesn’t make sense)

Why did the old man buy his wig at the thrift store? Because he didn’t want toupee.

What’s the difference between my job and a dead hooker? My job still sucks

No matter close I get to her when I do them, I cannot seem to startle my dog with my farts.

Should I take something for my kleptomania??

Dance like you’re not the father