A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, “What do you expect for $10 — lobster?”

*young woman walks by Wife: Wow, she looks really good, don’t you think? Me: NO WAY, I’M NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THAT

Velcro sanitary towels… They’re a bloody rip off

Why don’t female mathematicians use tampons? They are weary of anything that advertises discrete AND continuous protection.

What does a jewish pedophile say to a kid Hey kid, wanna buy some candy?

Why can’t Ms. Piggy count to 70?? Because when she gets to 69 she has a Frog in her throat.

The paraplegic would be easy to oppress They would never make a stand for their rights

You’re supposed to throw rice at new babies and their mothers, right? Traditions are weird.

I’m kinda terrified for 2015 2 + 0 + 1 + 5 = 8. The EXACT number of nipples Hitler would’ve had if he had 6 more nipples!

In 1974 I helped a man called “Falcon” throw a heavy bag into the river.That nite on the news, I learned what it was: 300lbs of used condoms