*intermittently glances at phone while placing order for 6 burritos so the Chipotle lady thinks they’re for multiple people*

What do you call a short sleeved British shirt? A tea-shirt. Please don’t hurt me.

Funniest joke ever Your dick is big

Nice being home from work so I can finally continue sitting only now it’s in a slightly more comfortable environment.

did you hear about the kidnapping at the high school? It’s OK. He woke up.

I sleep with all my cupboards opened so that when i bump into them while sleep walking im woken up abruptly

Why are people afraid to talk to black people? Their scared they’ll say something nigative

I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won. I replied, “Yeah, man, you’re free.”

My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house.

They should sell flags for fake countries so people can burn them without offending anyone.