Going to Paris is like inverted anal sex. Wives are always trying to pressure their husbands into doing it.

A joke about procrastination. Eh, I’ll write it later.

The baker wouldn’t finish telling me how he makes bread. He said that information was on a knead-to-know basis.

Which dog eats with its tail? All dogs keep their tails on when eating.

Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don’t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.

Did you know – what is the best thing to put on a delicious cake ? Your MOUTH !!

If I was a candle… …and somebody dumped a bucket of water on me, I’d be quite put out.

Why wasn’t the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite. I know that joke has its faults, so I’ll just accept my pumicement and go back to looking at cleavage.

I love dry erase boards… They’re remarkable.

Where does Skrillex like to eat lunch? He goes to WUBway!