What did the New York Salmon say to the driver? I’m swimming here!

For someone who said “Correct me if I’m wrong…” you seemed genuinely surprised and upset when I did.

Just overheard the phrase, “pregnant with a baby,” and secretly wondered what the other options were.

What time did Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon ? *…Tennish…*

I have over 500 FB friends but only 6 actual friends. And, I don’t even like 2 of them…

What do u call a greedy lesbian? Bush hog.

The next iPhone won’t be a failure In fact, it’ll be a huge 6S.

I would help you carry some of those bushes… but I’ve already got two palms on my hands.

During fireworks is the best time to shoot someone.

A group of guys with ponytails is called a flock of Steven Seagulls