Whenever I have a bad day,,, I just remind myself that there are people out there who have their ex’s name tattooed on their body

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he had a hole in one.

So all about these girls killing folks because of slenderman….. I guess you could say, they were a victim of anorexic culture

.5% of life is spent with accidental throat bubble Kermit voice.

My friend didn’t understand my poorly timed holocaust joke. So he asks me, “What’s a holocaust?” And I reply “Oh, about eleven million”

Whats the difference between jam and jelly? I can’t jelly my dick down your throat.

I painted my PC black hoping it would run faster but now it doesn’t work at all.

Can I tell you a joke? Your bum broke! hahaha! We loved this lame-ass joke as kids

I think God created marriage so death wouldn’t come as such a disappointment.

I was on a date. “How many ladies have you slept with?” she said. I said, “Do you want me to round it to the nearest 10?” She raised her eyebrows and said, “OK…” I said, “Zero.”