Two cosplayers break up… When asked why, one said “I don’t know who he is anymore!”

What do you call a snail in the sea? A snailor.

How much pussy does a Monk get? Nun

What’s brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones.

I slept in my sons crib last night I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

What’s so good about having sex with twenty one year olds? There’s twenty of them.

The Samsung Galaxy S6… The Samsung Galaxy S6 has a worse memory loss than your grandmother’s Alzheimer [First joke, go easy, pretty please?]

*horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into an optometrist* Horse: Holy shit please help me

What’s worse than your doctor telling you that you have gonorrhea? Getting the news from your dentist

Sandpaper I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. Gosh, I only intended to rough him up a bit.