If I have 5 apples and Jamal take 3, what color is Jamal? Admit it, you’re a fucking racist!

How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Whatever.

Why did the sperm cross the road? I put on the wrong sock this morning 🙁

turkey went out of the frying pan and into the fire only for Putin to put them in the oven

what did the kiwi statue said to the other kiwi statue? statue bro?

Why is Forrest Gump as a young boy without his leg braces like a Samurai without a master? Because everywhere he went, he was Ronin! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’ll see myself out…

All women are crazy but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.

Doctor: *taps knee with mallet* feel that? Me: No Doctor: or this? *jabs toe with a pin* Me: Nah Doctor: Just as I suspected. This is my leg

What’s the difference between a normal pirate and a sexy pirate? The type of booty they plunder.

Two Scotsmen walk past a baker One turns to the other and says ‘Is that a cake or a meringue?’ The other replies ‘no you’re right, it’s a cake’