So I’m still newish around here… What are the rules about Canadians? Does everybody get one? Do I get to choose? Where do I sign up?

How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.

My girlfriend caught me cross-dressing So I packed up her clothes and left

I walked in on my wife singing the other day. Surprised, I said “Oh, I thought you were the radio.” Flattered, she asked “Did you come to listen?” “No,” I replied, “I came to turn it off.”

How do you tell the difference between a meth head and a hillbilly? The meth head still has teeth.

Since I started dating my girlfriend a year ago I became a millionaire! 6 months ago I was a billionaire 🙁

What does Lamar Odom have in common with a hooker? Excellent ball control.

Hey dude! Would we be considered in-laws if I slept with your wife? No… we’d be even.

Why did the noodles go to rehab? To get yakisoba.

My wife’s credit card got stolen and she doesn’t know how… I do, I’ve been praying for a financial miracle.