What kind of headphones are sold in 50 shades of grey? Beats

My grandfather’s holocaust stories aren’t half as depressing as the contestant interview segment on Jeopardy.

“That’ll be $15.99 please” “Do you take giant revolving badgers?” *cashier grabs me by the throat* “We ONLY take giant revolving badgers”

“Why do white people like cheese so much?” Because they’re made from cultures! Edit: Five BLM members disliked this post.

Listen, I hate you… I’m just not… IN hate with you.

Proper punctuation… Proper punctuation is the difference between “helping your Uncle, Jack, off a horse” and “helping your uncle jack off a horse” It’s a classic, but a good one

can’t now.. having an heated argument with my toaster.

The Walking Dead Season Finale Check back in six months for the punchline.

I used to think people who looked for sex on craigslist were rock bottom… Then I discovered twitter.

What is the Pope’s favorite type of woman? Nun