A pirate’s walking down the beach…. …when he comes across a little girl. The litter girl says, “Hey Pirate! Where’s your buccaneers??” The pirate responds, “tucked inside my buck’n hat!!”

Bough some shoes from my drug dealer. They were pretty nice

[Touring Italy] Guide: Bathroom anyone? Me: I peed at the Tower of Pizza Guide: That’s Pisa Me: Sorry. I took a pisa at the Tower of Pizza

Chicks with big tits always seem to say the right things.

This mallard waddled into a bar… Should’ve ducked.

Arnold Schwarzenegger glancing up excitedly and then looking away disappointedly multiple times while watching the intro to “Hey Arnold”

Ironically its exactly 12 steps from my car to the liquor store

When I was younger, I was given a choice: a good memory or a long dong. I can’t remember which I chose.

What do toads drink ? Croaka-cola !

What kind of cheese is made backwards? Edam.