Why did the feminist refuse to work at the post office? Because it was a mail dominated industry

Don’t look out of the window Betty people will think it’s Halloween.

I’m trying to explain Twitter to this cop. He still wants to know why I’m driving naked.

What does James Bond say after a heavy workout? I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.

Judge: I sentence you to life in prison Defendant: NOOOO MY ONLINE PRESENCE

My new bowflex comes tomorrow…so if anyone wants to buy a slightly used bowflex in a couple months let me know.

What’s the best reason to date a pornstar? You never have to meet her father.

What do you call a dog with short legs and steel balls? Sparky

What is nine inches long and keeps a woman up screaming all night? Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

[dinner table] gfs dad: so what do you do for a living me: human trafficking *he chokes* gf: he’s a crossing guard dad