Woke up this morning with a pillow over my face, hearing someone muttering “…it would be so easy…”

Retweet if you’re naughty! Star if you love Jesus! Reply if you’d like to meet him!

Prostitutes hate trick-or-treaters.

I like my steak like I like my women. White and domineering.

If I had a penny for every Donald Trump joke, I would have a small loan of one million dollars

There are plenty of fish in the sea. Sometimes you just need a really big fishing rod.

Make sure you don’t forget the ‘R’ when you’re Googling, “movies of Gary Oldman.”

A blind guy walks into a bar… …then a table, then a chair, then another chair…

I bought a muzzle for my pet duck. Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.

Why do elephants have 4 feet? Because in the animal kingdom 6 inches just wont do