Today I learned two things: 1. Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals 2. Mall security guards get to use real handcuffs

What do you call two gay Irishmen? Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying, “No hard feelings”

What do black men find most shocking about sex? Tazers

I don’t always tell mom jokes But when i do, she laughs

Describe yourself in one word Bad at describing myself with one word.

Opinions are like Assholes… Everyone has one, and some just taste better than others.

What do you do when you find Michael J. Fox in your hot tub? …..Add your laundry.

Why did the Canadian cross the road? Because that’s the direction his car was sliding.

I like my women like I like my coffee… [Fill in the blank]