They say love is worth more than money. But I’m pretty sure my landlord is gona want more than a hug.

Starbucks really isn’t that expensive when compared to what Victoria’s Secret charges per cup

What do you call little kids in Belgium? Brusselsprouts

What did the hamburger say when it pleaded ‘not guilty’? I’ve been flamed!

Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine? Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party.

A mushroom walks into a bar The bartender says: “Get out of here! We don’t serve your kind here.” The mushroom says: “Why not man? I really am a FunGi.”

I voted for Jill Stein Finally I’m part of the 1%

Fun typo: “You ate the most important thing in my life.”

“Some say I have a drinking problem” *pours glass of water on lap*

My friend’s a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero… At first the rat was just frozen, but he’s 0K now.