A policeman sees two boys, one with batteries, the other with fireworks He charges the first boy and lets the other off.

Guest: Why did you offer me a piece of candy? Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.

Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early? Me: Because we have had enough of you for today

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.

I love how fresh & clean my bathroom smells after I’ve killed a spider with a full bottle of windex

Tom got a backache from working as a seer. He’s got the hunch.

If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.

Italians and Spaniards are so used to Catholic child abuse… … That they call the Pope daddy

Which nut could pimp the Prince of Darkness? Mack-a-Dameon.

What do you call a group of chickens dressed up like crows? A murder most fowl. (I’ll see myself out…)