I decided today that I want to have kids I hope they taste good

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a voluptuous lobster? One’s a crusty bus station and the other’s a busty crustacean. 😀 edit: funnier when said aloud

I just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters… Its shift work.

You can consider yourself lucky in life, if the cognac you drink is older than the woman that you’re sleeping with.

What is the preferred coffee drink of people with alzheimer’s? The Iforgotto

What did Asian Jesus say before he was crucified? (OC) YORO (You only resurrect once)

Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they can’t elope.

Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie, romantic…..but do it on a bus and the judge doesn’t agree.

Subway’s Jared got famous for fitting into smaller pants… …now he is known for hoping to get into really small pants.

Just once I’d like to wake up as eager to start the day as my p*nis is.