What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !

September is Alzheimer’s Awareness month… remind me tomorrow.

Well it’s like my dad always told me “When life gives ya lemons” Chances are you’re in the fruit aisle.

Stealing mosquito repellent… Jacking Off!

What do you call a small, noisy dog? A subwoofer.

Having the option to erase and re-record after having to leave a voicemail is one of my favorite things about life.

My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.

If four out of five people suffer from radiation poisoning… Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

An infectious disease enters a bar… the bartender says,”we dont serve your kind here”. The disease replies, “well you’re not a very good host!”

When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don’t invite people to my house.