What’s a con-artists favorite holiday? Scamentine’s Day.

Don’t judge me because I like 80’s music. Judge me because I had a late term abortion because a baby would ruin my holiday plans.

Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?

Saw a homeless guy babbling about conspiracy theories that doesn’t really make sense… You could say it was a vague rant.

Blessed are those who are cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light!

I wonder if a ghost has ever watched me masturbate.

S is my favorite letter because it changes biscuit to biscuits.

The best joke you’ll never hear

how are a silver medalist and a priest alike They both came in a little behind

I’m not saying that girl’s a slut… But she has touched more wieners than Heinz ketchup.