I always check my smoke alarms to make sure they’re working. I call it “cooking”

Trump wants to appoint Ben Carson to the Department of Education, but I think he would do better in the FDA He can feed everyone with all of the grain in those pyramids.

What is the term for a group of Canadians? Is it “an apology”? “Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians”

Ever since the news came out about Samsung…. Their phones have been blowing up.

Osama Bn Laden Jokes in the title.

What do you call a relaxed redneck? A chillbilly.

Dog’s Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today… He just yelled at me.

Here’s two short jokes and a long joke: joke. joke. joooooooke.

“911, what’s your emergency?” Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear.

*job interview* Why do you want to be a psychiatrist? *pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers* I want to help people