I want to start a coffee shop that only plays ambient/electronic music… and call it Brian Beano.

I keep getting the urge to purchase a big white bear from the artic… …Doc says I might have “Buy Polar” disorder! EDIT: arctic*

Heading to Chinatown after work… I heard it’s Erection Day.

butts are truly the final frontier. to think we know more about SPACE than we do about the human butt. two fleshy mounds of mystery & wonder

I find like geologers make really good friends… …they are very down to Earth.

What type of fruit is not allowed to get married? Cantaloupe…

I like my women like I like my coffee… I don’t fucking like coffee.

How many people with dementia does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

What did the homeless person say to the gay job interviewer when asked for his address? No home-o.

From now on when skinny girls say they’re fat I’m just gonna be like, “Yup” & walk away.