Thankful that Five-Fingered Shoes company doesn’t make pants.

I know dream catchers don’t work because I’ve never seen one in a car worth more than two thousand dollars.

If two people had a race and one had sand in his shoe but the other did not, who would win? The one with sand in his shoe — if it was quicksand.

How do you make an Amish woman happy? Three Men-A-Night

Letsh Have Shex! -Horny Sean Connery

I’m ready for the cop-buddy film where they actually get along in the beginning but hate each other by the end.

How many people does it take to change a light bulb in Brazil? A Brazillion!!! http://imgur.com/c4CJjUd

Finally got around to shaving my crotch after a few years. Its nice to see my knees again.

How do skeletons reproduce? They bone.

A doctor reaches into his pocket and finds his rectal thermometer He says “Shit, some asshole took my pen!”