how many people does it take to save the world? zero (compliments to my SO who thinks she made this up)

If these walls could talk I’d fuckin’ move out immediately.

What do you call it when two designers argue about what file type to export a graphic to? Getting into a bit of a .tiff!

I just got a new job at a gay magazine. I’m a poofreader.

No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican food in a Spanish accent.

Guy comes home with a flower bouquet… “Guess I’ll have to spread my legs now”, says the wife. “Why? Don’t you have a vase?” the husband replies.

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wild dogs… One says to the other “should we stop and outnumber them?” …   “keep running you fool we’re brothers!!”

Where do you find an enlightened mosquito? In Bhuddapest

*watching Dateline* wow this is the worst dating show ever

THE HORROR! *splat THE TRAGEDY! *splat IT’S AWFUL! *splat SO MUCH BLOOD! *splat WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! *splat -It’s raining men.