What the quickest way to a mans heart? Though his chest with a knife

What do you call a Chinese conga line? A Chu Chu train

Why was pregnant Cinderella late to the ball? Miscarriage

I don’t like drive-thru’s I think it’s money out the window.

“You know what.” — They.

The Grapes of Wrath 2: The Raisins of Revenge

Yes, life is meaningless, but some of the food is decent.

Someone should invent a version of Twitter for people who spell things like rappers. They could call it “twita”. Dat would b nize

NSFW Men are like a deck of cards… You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his fucking face in and a spade to bury the bastard!

I’m sorry, Black Lives Matter is actually a peaceful and forward thinking movement that our society needs… Now if you could all stop sending me death threats on twitter that would be great.